Disconnected

(Unfinished)






A family, of a lost mother, and a father who couldn’t grip reality anymore. A family that lost everything, and even more! The devil just couldn’t stop after taking the mother of two, but also by taking the career of a not so famous author, but one who could live off income from his royalties. If you thinks that’s as bad as it will get, may demons have you fooled? The family was a mother, father, son, and daughter. They lived happily, until the mother passed, giving birth to her daughter, Arial.


No one had blamed Arial for what happened, it wasn’t her fault? That didn’t mean anything to her though, she had thought many people, even her brother, and father accused her of the death of a dear loved one. She was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at a young age-still in grade school-. Nothing pleased her, nothing even seemed to be real to her, almost like her mind itself fell asleep… numb. Later in life, when she reach the high school, the kids she thought to be friends turned, and bullied her about her deceased mother. Months had gone by, even years, the same happened each day!


A couple days ago, she was diagnosed with with a rare form of cancer not wanting to take treatment. She believed to be God’s punishment for her mother’s passing.Stunning both my father and I, we were dumbfounded as what were to come next. We couldn’t believe how much bad luck we have had! We’ve had enough, and maybe God doesn’t think so, why? My father always says bad luck only means nothing but a good story. Well father, you sure have one hell of a story if you combine all the bad stuff that has happened the last few years!


How do I handle all of this? Well I don’t, I may not show it, but I am in pain. What is there for me to do though? I can’t live in the past. I can’t live thinking God doesn’t know what he is doing either. He will care for us, and if it is time for someone to go, than so be it!


You see though, I’m not the only one who too has this large weight, holding me down. The other day, I had taken a walk-when my sister was diagnosed- to the park. Hoping to clear my mind a bit to soak up this blood, trying to see the path. I neared a stone arched bridge, hearing a faint sounds coming from under it. I got close, hearing a depressing song, matching the tone of day I was having.


Rounding the corner of this paved tunnel I was astonished! There stood the most beautiful, astounding girl I has ever seen! She was on the short side, with blond flowing curls that met her shoulder blades. She was around my age -17- though, she didn’t look familiar. Something was wrong though? Her clothing, it wore of grim and tares. She had shorts on along with a shirt that covered her arms up to her elbows, the rest of what use to be a long sleeve T-shirt aged away. I wouldn’t think much of it, if fall hadn’t just hit, leaving a bruise on nature, knocking leaves off the trees and turning them a yellow-orange color. She was homeless?!


How could someone, with such staggering beauty at her age, not have a home? I confronted her, first by small talk, than leading it into my bad luck and all that’s happened. Hoping she would at least give me a brief summary to why she isn’t with her parents.


They both had died, she was new to town. They were in the midst of getting settled in when they both passed. Her mother, a flight attendant was involved in a plane wreck in which her father couldn’t handle living without the welcoming presents of his wife, so he killed himself. It was still hard for her to talk about but something like that should never be easy to talk about, no matter how strong a person you are! We continued talking in which I mentioned how strong she was for even trying to live after hope was gone. She was stranded, no place to go. She knew no one, and know one knew her. Her response was like no other.


It’s hard, not many people my age have lived a life like this! If they have they didn’t live it much longer, to find out what good may come of it. People say suicide is an easy way out, that only the weak choose it as an option to beat depression. You aren’t weak if that is an option to you, by all means you are strong because it takes guts to do something ungodly. That doesn’t make it right still! What does weakness and strength have anything to do with suicide? NOTHING! When you kill yourself you kill every living bit of those you take after for good. They still live inside you- watch over you, to keep you safe.


The world is corrupt, why -when it takes one person to purify- would someone with the experience to change the planet for the better was it all on something like that? People sin, where in the bible does it show you Gods sin meter where murder is on the top, and lying on the bottom? It’s all the same! No matter what you do, God sees sin, as a sin. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t enjoy living with sin and most don’t, some know they live with it, but don’t do anything about it. I hope to do something about it, I want to change the world for the better, show people there is hope, even when in doubt.


Than she went and told me more about her personal life and more about who she was and what she was like.


It seemed like… anywhere I went, no matter who I talked to or who I was around. I hurt them. I could just be standing next to them and I would somehow hurt them, just with me presents. What little friends I had, I fought with and even felt distant from. I felt disconnected from the world, no one to talk to and nowhere to go. I was already dead. Suicide to me now just seems pointless because you can’t kill something past death. What ever happened to me just happen and I took everything with a straight face. No emotion no nothing.


I suffer with claustrophobia, something of which most think deals with tight spots, but it is much more than that. Claustrophobia is about feeling trapped, and not being able to escape at your own will. That is how I feel every second of every day! I feel trapped. I don’t have anywhere to run, because there is nowhere to run too. I can be in a crowd of thousands of people, yet I feel alone and not in the sense I’m the only person who feels this way. I mean in the sense that I utterly feel like I’m the last person alive. It’s because I can’t make the right choices. No matter what I say or what I do, I mess up. It could be a simple hello and I piss someone off. I feel like everyone's against me no matter how much they support me.

I feel as if I am only a burden, my presents is just a wasted effort of trying to open up, showing people that I do exist! Just job I did have before all this went down. I worked, I didn’t complain about the work, no matter how much I didn’t want to do it. I just put a smile on my face, showing the world everything was alright, even in the darkest times. It got to the point I would get called in a good amount. Maybe things were changing for me? Maybe I was finally getting recognized! I was wrong, it only seemed to make things worse. I don’t have my license and I refuse to drive due to that fact I can’t escape at will. I started closing, in which I would need a ride home, my parents didn’t want to pick me up from work that late, so I had to find another way to get home. One of my friends who worked there offered to take me home and then others I worked with began taking me home as well. I felt bad because they were going out of their way, for me! Why would anyone be kind to me? What have I done to deserve such privileges? The more and more it happened the worst things got, though no one knew. I put a mask on every day, hiding my true feelings.